Issues

Grade Point Why many rape victims don’t fight or yell By James W. Hopper June 23, 2015 James W. Hopper, PhD, is an independent consultant and part-time instructor in psychology in the Department of Psychiatry of Harvard Medical School. He has conducted research on the neurobiology of trauma, and trains investigators, prosecutors, judges, and higher-education professionals on its implications. Here, he offers his explanation of why people don’t always respond to an attack the way others might expect: Jim Hopper Jim Hopper (Photo by David Lisak) By James W. Hopper, PhD In the midst of sexual assault, the brain’s fear circuitry dominates. The prefrontal cortex can be severely impaired, and all that’s left may be reflexes and habits. In the Washington Post’s recent series on college sexual assault, many victims describe how they reacted – and did not react – while being assaulted. Another article also published this month, in the Harvard Review of Psychiatry, shows that some responses have been programmed into human brains by evolution. [One in five women say they had unwanted sexual experiences while in college.] [Women describe traumatic experiences.] Bringing together the accounts of those who have been assaulted with the neurobiology of trauma can play an essential role in supporting healing and the pursuits of accountability and justice. For example, freezing is a brain-based response to detecting danger, especially a predator’s attack. Think deer in the headlights. As one woman told the Post, “I didn’t say no, but I didn’t really know what to do. I just kind of froze.” Freezing occurs when the amygdala – a crucial structure in the brain’s fear circuitry – detects an attack and signals the brainstem to inhibit movement. It happens in a flash, automatically and beyond conscious control. It’s a brain response that rapidly shifts the organism into a state of vigilance for incoming attacks and avenues of escape. Eyes widen, pupils dilate. Hearing becomes more acute. The body is primed for fight or flight. But as we shall see, neither fight nor flight necessarily follows. Simultaneously with the freeze response, the fear circuitry unleashes a surge of “stress chemicals” into the prefrontal cortex, the brain region that allows us to think rationally – to recall the bedroom door is open, or that people are in the dorm room next door, for example, and to make use of that information. But the surge of chemicals rapidly impairs the prefrontal cortex. That’s because, despite our dominant role on the planet now, we evolved as prey, and when a lion or tiger is upon us, stopping to think is fatal. Indeed, no one understands better than the military that intense fear impairs our prefrontal cortex and capacity for reason. When bullets are flying and blood is flowing, you had better have some really effective habit learning to rely upon. That’s why combat training is rigorous and repetitive – to burn in habits of effectively firing weapons, executing combat formations, etc. But what if you’re being sexually assaulted and there’s no effective habit learning to fall back on? What if you’re a woman and the only habits your brain cues up are those you’ve always relied upon to ward off unwanted sexual advances – like saying, “I have to go home now” or “Your girlfriend will find out”? Those phrases, and passive behaviors that go with them, may be your only responses, until it’s too late. Countless victims of sexual assault describe just such responses. Too often police officers, college administrators, even friends and family think to themselves – and say out loud – “Why didn’t you run out of the room?” “Why didn’t you scream?” For those who assume a functional prefrontal cortex – including many victims as they look back on what happened – passive habit responses can be baffling. They seem exactly the opposite of how they surely would – or should – have responded. But when the fear circuitry takes over and the prefrontal cortex is impaired, habits and reflexes may be all we’ve got. And if the fear circuitry perceives escape as impossible and resistance as futile, then not fight or flight, but extreme survival reflexes (which scientists call “animal defense responses”) will take over. These can activate automatically when the body is in a predator’s grip – and when, as half of rape victims report, we fear death or serious injury. One such response is tonic immobility. In freezing, brain and body are primed for action. But in tonic immobility, the body is literally paralyzed by fear – unable to move, speak, or cry out. The body goes rigid. Hands may go numb. Collapsed immobility is another. Think possum, playing dead. To see what this looks like (and get a humorous break from this difficult topic), you can watch the YouTube videos that come up for “passes out on Slingshot ride.” Some people describe feeling “like a rag doll” as the perpetrator did whatever he wanted. And thanks to rapid drops in heart rate and blood pressure, some become faint and may even pass out. Some describe feeling “sleepy.” Too often, from precinct stations to courtrooms, victims are met with disbelief: How could it be rape if you were sleepy?! Another, more common reflexive response is dissociation: spacing out, feeling unreal, disconnected from the horrible emotions and sensations of such an intimate violation. Unless someone is drugged or intoxicated into unconsciousness, eventually the brain’s fear circuitry will detect the attack. Most victims will freeze, if only briefly. Some will fight back, effectively. Some will resist in habitual, passive ways. Some will suddenly give in and cry. Others will become paralyzed, become faint, pass out or dissociate. Few who have experienced these responses realize that they are brain reactions to attack and terror. They blame themselves for “failing” to resist. They feel ashamed. (Men especially may see themselves as cowards and feel like they’re not real men.) They may tell no one, even during an investigation. Sadly, many investigators and prosecutors still don’t know some or all of these brain-based responses. Grade Point newsletter News and issues affecting higher education. Sign up [Men with unwanted sexual encounters often fear they won’t be taken seriously.] None of these responses – in women or men – entails consent or cowardice. None is evidence of resistance too insufficient to warrant our respect and compassion. They are responses we should expect from brains dominated by the circuitry of fear (just as we should expect fragmented and incomplete memories). May the day come when everyone who knows someone who has been sexually assaulted – which is all of us, whether we know that yet or not – understands these basic ways that our brains can react to such attacks and uses this knowledge to foster healing and justice. http://www.accordingtozascha.com/2016/10/sexually-assaulted-in-hoi-an-vietnam/?utm_campaign=shareaholic&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=socialnetwork I Was Sexually Assaulted in Hoi An, Vietnam 93 1 1 sexually assaulted in hoi an I wasn’t sure whether or not I should write this. I wasn’t sure if I should just keep my mouth shut or if I should speak up. But I decided that I needed to speak up. I needed to let my voice be heard. I was sexually assaulted in Hoi An, Vietnam. I was super excited about going to Hoi An. Everyone kept telling me how beautiful it was and how it was their favourite place in Vietnam. And on arrival I could see why. I was still with the Dutch girl, Flora, but as she was tired and a bit unwell, she decided to have a rest while I went out to explore. I borrowed a bicycle from the hotel we were staying at and I ventured out in the city. It was boiling hot but I wanted to see as much as possible. I took a ton of photos, I had nice food at a lovely cafe and in the evening when Flora felt better, we went to the river as there was a light festival going on. I put my candle in the river, made a wish and watched it float away – it was a beautiful moment. After watching the lights for a little bit longer we went to a bar as I was going to meet up with a friend I met back in Vientiane, Laos. As Flora was still tired from the long bus journey from Dalat she went back to our hotel about 2 km away. I had the best evening dancing and talking to new people but as I am no longer 20, I can’t stay out till after midnight. I need my sleep, you know. So at around midnight I decided to head home. I’d cross the bridge and find a taxi. As I got to the bridge over the river there were lots of people with motorbikes and they asked if I needed a lift to my hotel. I thought that was probably a good idea as it would probably be cheaper than a taxi. I showed the guy where my hotel was and off we went. He began asking a lot of question such as: “Are you married? Do you have a boyfriend?” I said no as that’s the truth, but looking back at it now I should have lied and said yes. He tried to make me put my arms around him even though I tried to explain to him that I was fine. I could hold on to the back of the bike but he was very persistent. He grabbed my hand whilst driving and kept kissing it even though I asked him to stop. At this point I really should have gotten off the bike and walked the rest of the way home. But it was dark and I had had a bit to drink. He then started touching my legs. I was wearing a blue dress that went just above the knees. I kept telling him to stop and that I didn’t like it, and when he put his hand all the way up under my dress to my private parts I asked for him to stop the bike and let me off. I paid him the amount of money we had agreed to, but he wanted more. He wouldn’t let me go until I gave him more money. I can’t remember how much I ended up giving him but I just wanted to get away from there. As I was putting my purse back in my bag he grabbed my arms really hard (I now have a bruise on my left upper arm) and tried to kiss me and pull me down. I pushed him away as hard as I could and I started running. I’ve been traveling full time for nearly four months now and this is the first time I’ve ever feared for my life. This is the first time where I’ve felt scared and uncomfortable. Looking back at it now I wish I had done more. I should have gotten off that bike the minute he started to make me feel uncomfortable. I should have screamed. I should have punched and kicked and showed him that no one messes with me. I’ve always said that that’s what I would do in a situation like that. But all of a sudden I was in the situation and I didn’t react the way I wish I would have. I have been incredibly sad ever since and the next day I spent all day in bed just reading, watching Netflix, talking to my mum on the phone and having the world’s longest shower. I felt dirty and gross and I still do when I think of him. I don’t remember his face, I don’t remember his bike. I only remember the horrible smell of him and his disgusting hands on my body – that’s not much for the police to go on. I decided that I had to get out of Hoi An. I couldn’t stand being there so today I got in a taxi to Danang just to get away. I’m so sad about it, because this man ruined what was meant to be a beautiful stay in lovely Hoi An. Now, I will always remember this: I was sexually assaulted in Hoi An. That’s how I’ll remember it and that makes me sad. I blamed myself at first. I shouldn’t have been drinking. I shouldn’t have worn a short dress. I shouldn’t have gone home alone. But as my mum keeps telling me: it is NEVER your fault. I don’t know what’s next for me now. I will still need a few days to get back on my feet, so don’t expect much from my social media accounts over the next couple of days. I just really wanted to share my story and let anyone know who’s ever been through this: you’re not alone. 93 1 1 This entry was posted in Blog. Bookmark the permalink. Post navigationPREVIOUS POSTNEXT POST 24 thoughts on “I Was Sexually Assaulted in Hoi An, Vietnam” Amanda I’m really sorry you had this awful experience, and just wanted to say that you’re not alone either and that your Mum is absolutely right! I was assaulted in India, when I was in my early twenties (about 20 years ago now). Travelling can be hard as a woman. But we can’t let the hard times define our travels. Give yourself some time and thanks for sharing. x OCTOBER 16, 2016 AT 9:53 AM REPLY Joe First up – well done for speaking about this. It could not have been easy to write about. Secondly – too right it isn’t your fault. Of course retrospect is going to tell you that you could’ve done x, y and z differently so that things wouldn’t have escalated to the stage that they did. But the bottom line is that you and every human being has the right to be treated with basic respect. This man made the decision to assault you, and what happened is on him. Don’t let anyone convince you (or you convince yourself) otherwise. I get that it’s easy for me to say all this from behind a keyboard, and I get that as a man, the chances of me being subjected to a similar ordeal are miniscule. So, you know, take all the time you need and be as kind to yourself as you possibly can. Talk to others because, sadly, you are indeed not alone in going through this. It makes me equal parts sad and mad that, in 2016, too many people still think it’s OK for women to be treated in this way. Which is why it’s important that people do keep speaking up about this sort of behaviour. Stay strong and keep travelling! OCTOBER 16, 2016 AT 10:46 AM REPLY Marilyn Ricci It is never your fault. We always blame ourselves. But it is the perpetrator’s need to dominate a strong woman (or man) that is the purpose of the attack. He is worthless without domination and attempted destruction of another. He is weak. You can be strong. Let yourself cry, watch Netflix, talk to friends. And be kind to yourself. This may always be with you and it has changed your life. But, you can transcend it and live free. Be brave. Bravery is knowing the dangers and being afraid but moving toward your goals despite that. You are not alone. There are millions of us with you. Hugs! OCTOBER 16, 2016 AT 3:49 PM REPLY Alex Berger What a tragic and difficult experience to have. Echoing what Joe said above, it’s very likely you’ll experience some level of PTSD as a result. It’s entirely natural, especially in a situation like this where you’re both simultaneously helpless but feel like you could have/might have or should have had more control than you actually did. If you want to look into exercises to overcome some of the immediate responses and the sense of helpless/anger and ways to deal with it, read up on emerging ways of re-conditioning after these experiences. It also appears that tying into a community and discussing makes a significant difference. As you said, you’re in no way at fault, you should in no way feel shame. Yet, it’s only human to immediately call into question all of that and to second guess. That’s where community is key. In the meantime, we’ll all work together to continue driving awareness, looking after each other and aspiring towards a day where men like him either learn basic human empathy and realize what profoundly horrible creatures they are, or are permanently imprisoned. Wishing you a speedy return to health and thank you for sharing your story. OCTOBER 16, 2016 AT 4:53 PM REPLY Kareen Thank you for Sharing your real life experience. I hope for you there is healing in telling the story. Blessings over you. OCTOBER 16, 2016 AT 5:22 PM REPLY Raphael Alexander Zoren I have heard many horror stories by expats in Hoi An regarding the motorcycle taxi drivers. Such a shame you had to experience this in your travels. PS. If you’re currently in Vietnam I really recommend Ninh Binh, I was there last week and it was AWESOME!!! Stay positive my wonder friend ! 😀 Raphael Alexander Zoren recently posted…Komodo National Park, the last vestige of a Jurassic World of WondersMy Profile OCTOBER 16, 2016 AT 6:11 PM REPLY Vanessa Thinking of you during what I’m sure is a difficult time and I’m so glad you took the time to write about your experience, even though it was so difficult to share. The more that people share their stories and speak out, the more comfort and support everyone can find. OCTOBER 17, 2016 AT 12:52 AM REPLY Omo and Eulanda So sorry you experienced this. Don’t blame yourself. He will get what he deserves sooner or later. Thank you for having the boldness to speak out. Hopefully this is the first step to your healing. Be comforted by the fact that there is a lot more good out there in this world than there is bad OCTOBER 17, 2016 AT 1:03 AM REPLY Victoria Yore Thanks for writing and sharing this! It is important for you and others to know that sexual assault is NEVER your fault. Thank you! OCTOBER 17, 2016 AT 7:23 PM REPLY Annika Hi, Zascha I’m sorry about what happen to you in Hoi An, Please don’t blame yourself about that, everything happens for a reason. Hope that you’ll find it out. Take care of yourself the next time you travel, as long as possible don’t get drunk, some people will take that advantage to harm you, please be aware. I hope that incident won’t stop you from following your dreams to travel. Just take a break for a while. Good luck. OCTOBER 18, 2016 AT 7:02 AM REPLY Lottie Thank you so much for speaking out. You are certainly not alone. Marilyn is right, there are millions of us with you. You’re Mum is also right, it really isn’t your fault. Regardless of drinking, clothes or anything else. He made the decision to assault you. The blame lies solely with that son of a bitch. Also please don’t regret not acting on it sooner. I always said that I would have punched and kicked too. But when it’s actually happening freezing up is all your brain is capable of in survival mode: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/grade-point/wp/2015/06/23/why-many-rape-victims-dont-fight-or-yell/ Take time out and get back to being yourself. But please don’t let this change any of your future travel plans. You deserve to see the world and enjoy it 🌏💕 OCTOBER 18, 2016 AT 3:38 PM REPLY Anna Hiya, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I have had similar experiences to this and I’m so sorry you have gone through this as it is really hard to get through. I’m so glad you spoke to your mum. Mums always know the right thing to say. I just wanted to tell you how brave you are; not only for speaking out but for writing this as it does build awareness and helps women and men think more about all of this. I hope you feel better soon. You’re amazing and don’t let yourself feel any different. OCTOBER 18, 2016 AT 7:31 PM REPLY The Common Wanderer Oh my gosh, what an awful thing to happen! We hope you’re okay and that this incident doesn’t impact on your future, and future travels. Sending our ❤️ OCTOBER 21, 2016 AT 10:04 AM REPLY Ryan Biddulph Hi Zascha, Sorry to hear this! Keep your head up my friend. Hoi An was a fabulous place for us yet we’ve had some rough experiences in other spots that temporarily clouded our judgement of such places. Sending you positive energy, love and that travel spirit. Ryan PS….Danang is a fun city to walk around with a nice little movie theater. Hope you get to enjoy it some when you are feeling better. Ryan Biddulph recently posted…How to Become an Online Expert with Little or No ExperienceMy Profile OCTOBER 21, 2016 AT 6:33 PM REPLY Ray That’s really unfortunate that you had to experience this, but like everyone else said, sexual assault is never your fault. If you can’t seek justice from the perpetrator, then at least this post will warn women to be aware of their surroundings when travelling solo even in a place that might seem “safe” like Hoi An. Really hope you pull through from this experience and become stronger than ever. Ray recently posted…Wrigley Field TourMy Profile OCTOBER 22, 2016 AT 12:28 AM REPLY João Leitão OMG, that guy is a total jerk! I hope you recover quickly from this situation. I send a BIG traveler’s hug all the way from Poland! João Leitão recently posted…Travel Gear: My Backpack, Electronics, Photo & ClothingMy Profile OCTOBER 22, 2016 AT 6:04 PM REPLY Aleah | Solitary Wanderer As a solo female traveler, I can relate to this, too, although it happened to me in India. I agree that we do have some ideas on what to do and how to fight back but when it happens, we freeze. Afterwards, there were so many times when I told myself that I could have done something differently, but you know, it is what it is. Giving you a virtual hug, sister. You’re not alone. OCTOBER 23, 2016 AT 6:27 AM REPLY Lauren It is NEVER your fault. You could have been running around the streets completely nude and it doesn’t invite someone to assault you. I’m so sorry that this happened to you. This should never happen to anyone. Thank you for being so brave to write about it. I’m sure these things happen all the time, and people stay silent because they are sad or embarrassed. I hope that this has helped you to heal a little bit, and the rest of your travels are safe & pleasant experiences. Sending hugs your way. OCTOBER 25, 2016 AT 1:22 AM REPLY Yvonne I’m so sorry. I’m glad you share your story. Silence when something is wrong is a worldwide dilemma. You’ve done 👍 OCTOBER 25, 2016 AT 2:08 PM REPLY Clarissa Hirst Zascha, thank you for sharing your story and I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you. I spent about 4-5 months in Hanoi a few years back and had a few bad encounters with moto drivers. Once on the way home from a night out, my driver asked me similar questions (are you married? do you have a boyfriend? etc.) He very clearly wanted to come home to my apartment but I made him drop me off several streets before my place. Thank god he never followed me the rest of the way but he very easily could have. What happened is definitely NOT your fault, the blame lies solely with the driver who decided to take advantage of you. Vietnam is a beautiful country and I hope that the rest of your time there won’t be marred by such a horrible encounter. OCTOBER 25, 2016 AT 4:06 PM REPLY Elaine Schoch Awww. Sweet girl. Your mom is right. It’s never your fault. I’m glad to hear you did get away before it got worse… Now, as a mom and a female traveler go take a self defense class so you can totally kick someone’s #$% if you ever have to. Just knowing you know how is so empowering. Elaine Schoch recently posted…The secret is out! Idaho is the next must sip wine countryMy Profile OCTOBER 25, 2016 AT 5:31 PM REPLY Amar B Patel Its always good to share ur words rather then stay unsaid. We have heard few things happens even in our india but this is truly sad story and I can’t find any of fault from ur end. We are travelers we have enough freedom to live life own way. We travel to celebrate not to stay in room.. stay strong and move on !! Good luck! Love & peace OCTOBER 26, 2016 AT 4:19 AM REPLY Mri You definitely did the right thing by speaking out. He might not ever be punished, but by letting this out, you’re letting yourself heal. You’re not dirty because of what he did and it’s definitely not your fault. He was the one who decided to be an asshole and you were the one that stood up to him. It’s always easy to say after the fact that we should have done this or that, but at the time we made the decision we thought was best. You had a lot to drink and walking back all that way on your own could have been way more dangerous. You could’ve gotten off in an unknown bad side of town, stumbled away, which would clearly mark you as an easy target, and been picked up by a gang. Human trafficking is rife in many countries and foreigners are highly desired. I’m not saying this to scare you further, but just that it could have gone a lot worse and I think you were thinking that at the time. I know I was when I was in a similar situation, so don’t beat yourself up about it. We can only react to the present situation and you did that as well as you could. OCTOBER 26, 2016 AT 9:59 AM REPLY Gloria @NomadicChica I’m so sorry to hear this happening to you and I can imagine how hard it was to write this. But thank you very much for sharing your story, the more awareness people develop towards to this subject will help it will never happen again. (Why there’s a huge movement nowadays in South America #NiUnamenos ). As many other here and your wise mom said: this is never your fault! Don’t ever blame yourself on this, you’ve done the best you could and as you see now, everything is fine and you are safe. I’ve been solo traveling for more than 15 years and I feel really lucky as I’ve been always safe and with stories like this one I’m more and more cautious every day. Even if I hate to acknowledge this is happening and I hate the most to have to think about what I’m wearing or how many drinks I’m taking…it’s a reality. I really wish you can heal from this very soon and I’m really glad you are safe. For this situations, I strongly believe in karma and that man will pay for this horrible act. Wish you happy travels! <3 Gloria @NomadicChica recently posted…Visiting Chile through Chilean Instagrammers lensesMy Profile OCTOBER 29, 2016 AT 4:06 PM REPLY Leave a Reply Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked * Comment Name * Email * Website POST COMMENT CommentLuv badge Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email.